Humor and Songs

You Might Be A Wood Badger

If you’ve ever been driving at 60 MPH and suddenly slammed on the brakes because you thought you saw a Patrol critter at a yard sale…

If you’ve ever received a speeding ticket because you were running late and you were afraid you might miss THE SONG…

If you’ve ever found yourself spending ten dollars or more playing a game of chance at a carnival because the top prize was a stuffed Kudu…

If you were ever late for work because you couldn’t find your patrol flag…

If your yard has grass 10 inches high but Gilwell Field looks great…

If instead of a night out with the boys, you prefer a night out with the “Bears” or “Owls” or “Beavers”…

If you hang your tent totem on the doorknob of the Holiday Inn while on family vacation…

If you think your spouses new rock garden would look perfect with “A THING” in it…

If you get disappointed at family reunions because no one wants to build a catapult…

If you’ve ever taken out a loan so you had a $100 dollar bill to measure your neckerchief…

If you thought Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of peanut butter…

If you think Bunyon burgers and Cobbler are two of the five major food groups…

If the fountain at your wedding had bug juice…

If your baby’s first words were, “Back to Gilwell” …

If you think the National Anthem is “When it’s Hog Calling Time Here at Wood Badge”…

If you are absolutely sure that God looks a lot like ___(insert favorite staffer name)______…

If you don’t understand why tuxedos don’t come with neckerchiefs and knee socks…

If your Coat of Arms features a Kudu…

If you think campfire building should be an Olympic sport…

If you have 2 lawn mowers that don’t work and a broken storm door, but a perfectly good Table Totem…

If you’ve ever cried because your spouse threw out a container of old ashes (and they weren’t Uncle Pete)…

If your idea of a trip to the HolyLand means Gilwell Park in England…

If the only thing you remember from your honeymoon is the herd of Antelope you drove by in Wyoming…

If you’ve ever worn your Scout Uniform to your children’s’ wedding…

If you list tin foil cooking as a skill on your resume…

If the directions to your house say, “Turn left at the “THING”…

If you’ve gone to a Hooters restaurant and didn’t realize there were girls there…

If you bought that ’89 Chevy Caprice for the fleur-de-lis hood ornament…

If your favorite color is olive drab…

If you decided to lash together the new deck on the back of your house…

If you plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party…

If you walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and flashlight hanging from your belt…

If you raise your hand to the Scout Sign at a heated business meeting…

If you were arrested by airport security because you wouldn’t give up your pocketknife until he said “thank you”…

If you don’t mind losing power to your house for 3 days…

If your son hides his copy of Boy’s Life from you (get your own)…

If your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the hole deeper…

If you trade your 25 foot center console fishing boat for a 15 foot canoe…

If your favorite movie is “Follow Me Boys” and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on home video…

If you disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the “3 pot method”…

If you sneak a cup of bug juice after your spouse goes to bed…

If you felt you won a moral victory when the BSA brought back knee socks…

If you think campaign hats are cool…

If you gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 degrees for Christmas…

If you named one of your kids Baden…

If you and your spouse consider “Camp Granada” by Allen Sherman to be your song…

If you can’t eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a plastic bag …

If you plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cookbook…

If you took a chemistry course at a local college to help you develop a better fire starter…

If you actually own a left-handed smoke shifter…

If the high point of your social season is the Wood Badge feast…

If a trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage…

If you are convinced the center of the universe is Gilwell Park, England…

If the sales operators at the BSA distribution center’s 800 number recognize your voice…

If singing “On My Honor” makes you cry uncontrollably…

If you were disappointed when Boys Life didn’t win the Pulitzer Prize last year…

If bug repellent smells like perfume…

If you know the times trains leave for Chingford from Liverpool…

…You Might Be A Wood Badger!


Thanks for original submission by Connie Pettit,
Longhorn Council, Fort Worth Texas

Wood Badge Songs

Troop 1 Gilwell Jody Call

Scouters, scouters in the state
There’s a course you should take.
Wood Badge, Wood Badge off we’ll go
Scouting knowledge we must show.

Critters, critters don’t you know
Gilwell troop is on the go.
Learnin’ to be leaders fine
Wood Badge beads will soon be mine.

Staffers staffers can’t you see
Troop One’s scouts will soon be free.
Back to packs, troops and teams
For teaching boys with all our means.

Writing visions, making missions
Completing tickets with precision.
When our tickets all be through,
We’ll be glad and so will you.

Wood Badge, Wood Badge is our call
A leather woggle binds us all.
We will never be the same,
We put purpose in the game.


Fred Gellert
Beaver
WE1-612-1-02

The Wood Badge Fox Trot

Tune: “Halls of Montezuma”

I used to have a life,
a pretty good life too.
But now that I’m in Wood Badge,
it’s all I seem to do.
I get up very early,
and I go ’til way past ten.
When the sun rises tomorrow, we’ll do it all again.

The Beavers are all whining,
the Bobwhites now are gray.
The Eagles wings are drooping,
and the Foxes can’t think straight.
The Owls are always sleepy,
and the Bears are ornery too.
Oh, we’d love to take and hide the SPL’s kudu.

The Buffalos are angry,
the Antelopes are blue.
The staff if feeling overwhelmed,
they don’t know what to do.
The Scoutmaster is missing,
and the SPL is gone.
And my troop guide has just told me,
that my ticket is all wrong.

And now our song is over,
but you know it isn’t true.
We all had fun at Wood Badge,
despite a lot to do.
But come the end of Sunday,
we will gladly all proclaim,
That we’re glad we’ll once more have,
a normal life again.


By Craig Ibbotson
with input from the Fox Patrol C-29-04
Randy Hill, Jack Stewart, Nina Garnhart, Doug Heuer